Tension

Around 1 more month and I’ll set sail across the Pacific Ocean (not literally). I expect my level of excitement to be higher. Instead, I’m feeling a little tense in the stomach sometimes when I think about about it. No excitement. My nervousness is building up slowly, slowly. Then I expect to erupt at the moment it is happening.

This reminds me of when I had recitals. My lack of confidence always sink my ship. I try to suppress my nervousness before every performance, then right before I have to perform I get some kind of emotional breakdown, I can’t even think. No confidence in my playing. No confidence of handling everything on my own. Same type of situation. I need some encouraging words = =;

In this lang-8 entry, I talk about how I haven’t been on lang-8 for a while, and that I didn’t have time to practice enough chinese because I’m always looking forward to Japanese on my free time. Japanese animation, Japanese drama, Japanese music, Japanese friends online… and so on. This makes me the most nervous of all.

Well, it’ll be fun to feel totally desperate once in a while. Not understanding a single word people are saying, and then feeling very desperate to get it right. What a masochistic way of thinking. . .